This book by Tawab, counsellor and relationship expert, is a New York Times bestseller. It has an immediate appeal as a corollary text to our own My Manifesto. In our work we detail the process to work through to enable you, the reader, to gather your material to craft your best self and best life statement. Tawab’s book is a compelling case to establish healthy boundaries for your life. With your personal manifesto, you know your ‘homeland’. With your personal boundaries established, communicated, and followed through, you know the borders and the ‘no go’ zones to protect yourself compassionately as you live that life.
Tawab writes that the core of the issues that people present to therapy with, is an often-unrealised issue with boundaries. Violations of boundaries is often at the base of the conflicts that people experience across all areas of life. She explores the types of boundaries in six different contexts: physical, sexual, intellectual, emotional, material and time boundaries. Each of these boundaries is explained, with examples of what they look like in the real-life context given for clarity. Guidance for the words which may set up a boundary is offered. The language of this book too is relatable and accessible to all as well as the material offered within being research and best practices based on cognitive behavioural therapy.
Tawab identifies time as the boundary area that people tend to struggle with the most. Given the fast-paced nature of most of our lives, it is not surprising. She elaborates that: “Time boundaries consist of how you manage your time, how you deal with favor requests, and how you structure your free time. People with these issues struggle with work-life balance, self-care and prioritising their needs.”
My opening claim that our book and Tawab’s could go hand in hand, is illuminated here. Once you have revealed your personal manifesto, you know how you want to spend your time. Safeguarding that with non-porous and self-compassionate boundaries is so worthwhile and indeed helps fulfil the title claim: ‘set boundaries, find peace’.
This book includes self-assessment quizzes to help you identify boundary violations. It may be the case that we have neither the capacity nor perspective to self-identify these in the midst of living. Such quizzes are a gentle and fun way of raising awareness, and with this raised awareness comes the possibility of change.
Reading Tawab’s book, I became fully aware that ‘open heartedness’ does not mean ‘no boundaries’. Indeed, the self-love released through knowing it is not only permissible, but advisable to set boundaries, that it is in fact an act of self-love and self-care, is powerful and affirming.